stanlist

dni

i love

the vampire diaries, pretty little liars, friends, heartstopper, how i met your mother, gilmore girls, one direction: this is us, brooklin 99, scrolling on pinterest, reading, music, concerts, how to get away with murder (its a show)

Concerts

Louis 30/01/2024
Niall 28/04/2024

hiatus counter

Rip Liam

Never in my life did I think I would be writing this. I honestly have no idea what to say. I woke up angry that someone had eaten my pancake so I didn't go online that morning. Later in the day, I heard someone say that Liam had died. I didn't believe them, I thought it was just a really cruel joke. And then I heard another person talk about it and naturally I dismissed it because there was no way that my lima bean was gone.Liam, thank you for every time you made me smile. Thank you for giving us your beautiful smile. Thank you for making me laugh. Thank you for letting us hear your beautiful voice sing. Thank you for being you. Thank you for staying so fucking strong. Thank you for your compassion, your care, and your support. Thank you for getting us through quarantine. Thank you for speaking the truth.You were screaming for help but the people who needed to hear you didn't. You shouldn't have had to die for people to love you, for people to hear you and for people to understand you. You stayed strong for us for so long and I am truly heartbroken that we failed you.I keep hoping that this is all just a terrible nightmare and I will wake up gasping and shaking in a pool of my tears because anything would be better than this. I'm sorry that you couldn't get the help you needed.In another universe, you get to live a long, happy and healthy life where you are free from all the evil in this one.You were fighting so fucking hard. Shame on anyone who ever called you an attention seeker. You were just trying to find a flicker of hope in a world that wasn't kind to you.My heart shatters every time I think about how you died alone, so far from your loved ones and you weren't even aware of what you were doing. It was just you and the demons you were battling.It feels so incredibly wrong to talk about you in past tense. You are still with me in every sense. I will never stop loving you. You were too young. You still had your whole life ahead of you.I keep thinking about the album you wrote that you were so excited to share with us. And the song you wrote for the boys. I want to go back to 2008 and tell the innocent 14 year old boy to go home. No one deserves the abuse you and the boys went through.I owe my life to you and I wish that yours didn't have to end like this. You deserved to go in peace after living a long and fulfilling life. You deserved to go on your own terms. You deserved to get a chance to say goodbye, to be heard, and to be understood.I hope that it was quick and painless. I hope that you are no longer suffering. Every time I look up at the night sky, I will search for you among the stars.I hope that we can give you the justice and peace that you deserve.Fly high my lima bean, you will not be forgotten 🕊️💔